Extramarital Affairs: A Dangerous Illusion That Brings More Pain Than Relief

Extramarital affairs involve two people who believe they have found a cure for their unhappiness, but in reality, they have only found an anesthetic. When the effects wear off, the pain returns, often worse than before — sometimes even as lethal as a deadly poison.

I hope this message serves as a wake-up call for those teetering on the edge of infidelity. At first glance, an affair may seem like an escape from reality, a so-called remedy for dissatisfaction, but in truth, it only drags people deeper into emotional turmoil. While it may offer temporary relief, it does not address the real problems within a marriage. Instead, it can lead to even greater harm.

01. Extramarital Affairs: A Self-Deceptive Illusion

Extramarital affairs often disguise themselves as “true love,” making people believe they have found their soulmates. However, such relationships are frequently just an escape from real-life struggles. The conflicts, trivialities, and pressures of marriage can be exhausting, and an affair might seem like the perfect refuge — an escape into novelty and excitement. But much like an anesthetic, it only numbs the pain temporarily without addressing the root of the problem.

Psychology has a concept known as the Romeo and Juliet Effect, which suggests that when a relationship faces external obstacles, it can feel even more passionate. The forbidden nature of extramarital affairs often intensifies emotions, leading those involved to mistakenly believe their connection is more precious. However, these relationships are rarely rooted in genuine love; rather, they are a form of rebellion against reality and an attempt to avoid facing marital issues.

When the initial passion fades, the original problems still exist — often compounded by the chaos and consequences of the affair.

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02. The Price of Infidelity: Temporary Pleasure, Lasting Pain

Comparing extramarital affairs to an anesthetic is strikingly accurate. Anesthetics may temporarily dull pain, but once the effect wears off, the pain returns even stronger. Similarly, the fleeting joy of an affair often comes at the cost of long-term suffering.

A reader once shared her story: she had been married for ten years, and her life with her husband had become routine and dull. At a class reunion, she reconnected with her first love, and their old feelings rekindled. She felt as if she had rediscovered her youth and passion for life.

However, when her husband discovered the affair, her world collapsed. He filed for divorce, her children resented her, and her first love — unable to handle the pressure — chose to leave. She later reflected, “The happiness I felt during that time was like a dream. When I woke up, I had lost everything.”

The consequences of an affair extend beyond a broken marriage. It damages families, children, and social relationships. Those who believe they can walk away unscathed often find themselves sinking deeper into the mess they created, unable to escape.

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03. The True Meaning of Marriage: Finding Value in the Ordinary

The temptation of an extramarital affair often stems from dissatisfaction with the routine nature of marriage. However, the essence of marriage is not about maintaining constant passion — it is about finding meaning in the ordinary.

Couples who have celebrated decades together, through silver and golden anniversaries, have not done so without temptation. Instead, they have learned to nurture their relationship with commitment and responsibility.

An elderly man once shared his story with me: he and his wife had been married for fifty years. They never had an epic love story, but they weathered life’s storms together. When they were young, they worked hard to build a life. In middle age, they raised their children together. In old age, they cared for each other through sickness and hardship.

“Marriage is like a tree — it needs both partners to water and nourish it so that it can thrive,” he said.

The routine of marriage is not the absence of love but rather another form of it. It may lack the fiery intensity of a new romance, but it offers a deep, steady warmth. Those who seek passion outside their marriage often overlook the most valuable aspects of it — companionship, trust, and shared growth.

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04. Overcoming Marital Struggles: Face Problems, Don’t Escape Them

When problems arise in a marriage, seeking comfort elsewhere does not solve them — it only makes them worse. The real solution often lies in addressing the issues head-on.

Psychologist John Gottman’s research shows that a happy marriage is not one without conflict but one where both partners can manage conflict effectively. Long-lasting marriages are built on strong communication and mutual understanding.

When faced with marital issues, instead of running away, engage in honest conversations with your partner and work together to find solutions.

A friend of mine once faced a crisis in her marriage. She and her husband had become distant due to their busy work schedules. Realizing the growing gap between them, she didn’t seek solace elsewhere; instead, she had an open discussion with her husband. Together, they introduced a weekly “date night” to reconnect.

“Marriage is like a lifelong journey. It requires continuous effort from both partners to keep moving forward,” she said.

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05. Final Thoughts: Love Is a Choice and a Responsibility

Extramarital affairs are a game where no one truly wins. They may appear to be a form of salvation, but in reality, they destroy marriages. Those who seek comfort outside their relationships eventually realize that what they were chasing was nothing more than a temporary high — while what they lost was real happiness.

True love is not about indulgence; it is about making a choice — to stand by one person through life’s ups and downs.

Marriage is a journey that requires effort, patience, and dedication from both partners. Couples who celebrate lifelong commitments understand that the most precious aspects of marriage are not fleeting moments of excitement, but the hands that hold each other through life’s storms, the trust built over years, and the courage to choose love even when it feels difficult.

In a world filled with distractions, may we all hold onto the essence of love, cherish our marriages, resist the temptation of extramarital affairs, and uphold the values of loyalty and responsibility — to build a truly happy and fulfilling life together.